Friends - Below is a summary of 7 guiding principles.
Practice them to - earn More Respect - More Influence - become more comfortable with conflicts - have more peace of mind - more satisfying closeness to others - and ultimately
happier relationships & healthier life.
Practice them to - earn More Respect - More Influence - become more comfortable with conflicts - have more peace of mind - more satisfying closeness to others - and ultimately
happier relationships & healthier life.
1- Start by listening more carefully and more responsively.
2- Explain your conversational intent and invite consent.
3- Express yourself more clearly and completely.
4- Translate criticisms and complaints into requests.
5- Ask questions more ”open-endedly” and more creatively.
6- Thank… Explore and express more appreciation, gratitude, encouragement and delight.
7- Keep Practicing - Adopt a continuous learning perspective.
Below is a detailed summary:
1- Start by listening more carefully and more responsively. Acknowledging the listener's feelings, wants and experience does not to mean that you agree or approve. Compassionately allow people to feel whatever they feel. People will listen to you if you listen and actively acknowledgment them.
2- Explain your conversational intent and invite consent. Convey what you want to talk and why and ask for consent from your listener to achieve Openness, understanding of Objective and expectations from each other. The more involved the conversation is, the more conscious cooperation of your listener you get.
3- Express yourself more clearly and completely. Give your listeners the information they need to understand (visualize) your experiences more fully. One good way is to use: What/how I (1)observe, (2)am feeling, (3) because I need, and now I (4)want to request, and (5)hope for from request. Good for self-understanding, too.
4- Translate criticisms and complaints into requests and explain the positive results of having your request granted. Do this for both your and others complaints. Focusing on the positive outcome shows respect to the recipient of a request as having a positive contribution to make, and shifts focus from past mistakes to present and future successes.
5- Asking questions more ”open-endedly” and more creatively. ”How did you like that movie?” is an open-ended question that invites a wide range of answers. ”Did you like it?” suggests only ”yes” or ”no” as answers and does not encourage discussion. Sincerely asked open-ended questions can open up people.
6- Thanking… Explore and express more appreciation, gratitude, encouragement and delight. In a world full of problems and criticisms, make a special effort to look for opportunities to express satisfaction. Whether partnering, parenting or working, it is the memory of many appreciations that makes a relationship strong enough to allow for the stresses of problem-solving & differing needs.
7- Adopting the continuous learning perspective... Make above guiding principles an important part of your everyday living. Each conversation is an opportunity to grow in skill, awareness and compassion. Redefine each of your “opponents” as a learning and problem-solving partner. Help along the processes of change in your family and work life by personally embodying the changes, virtues and styles of behavior you want to see in others.
4- Translate criticisms and complaints into requests and explain the positive results of having your request granted. Do this for both your and others complaints. Focusing on the positive outcome shows respect to the recipient of a request as having a positive contribution to make, and shifts focus from past mistakes to present and future successes.
5- Asking questions more ”open-endedly” and more creatively. ”How did you like that movie?” is an open-ended question that invites a wide range of answers. ”Did you like it?” suggests only ”yes” or ”no” as answers and does not encourage discussion. Sincerely asked open-ended questions can open up people.
6- Thanking… Explore and express more appreciation, gratitude, encouragement and delight. In a world full of problems and criticisms, make a special effort to look for opportunities to express satisfaction. Whether partnering, parenting or working, it is the memory of many appreciations that makes a relationship strong enough to allow for the stresses of problem-solving & differing needs.
7- Adopting the continuous learning perspective... Make above guiding principles an important part of your everyday living. Each conversation is an opportunity to grow in skill, awareness and compassion. Redefine each of your “opponents” as a learning and problem-solving partner. Help along the processes of change in your family and work life by personally embodying the changes, virtues and styles of behavior you want to see in others.
