"Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing”
Aristotle
Receiving criticism isn't always fun. However, there are ways to handle it in a less hurtful way and - sometimes - get something good out of it.
Here are a few pointers I have found useful when dealing with criticism.
Count to 10 before you speak.
If you react immediately to criticism then you'll often react in a knee-jerk manner. And the words that come out may be overemotional, vicious and unnecessary. Count to at least 10 after someone has criticized you. Then respond. Respond next day if it is not urgent. This simple way can save you a lot of trouble and help you avoid saying something you can't take back. It's a good approach to avoid creating unnecessary problems.
Handle it like Buddha.
Below is a great and practical way to look at criticism – especially when dealing with angry, destructive criticism and nasty personal attacks.
"A man interrupted one of the Buddha's lectures with a flood of abuse. Buddha waited until he had finished and then asked him, "If a man offered a gift to another but the gift was declined, to whom would the gift belong?"
"To the one who offered it," said the man.
"Then," said the Buddha, "I decline to accept your abuse and request you to keep it for yourself."
Simply don't accept the gift of a criticism. You don't have to. Then it still belongs to the person who offered it.
Take both praise and criticism evenly.
My mindset for praise - that I try to stick to as much as I can - is that it's cool and I appreciate it. It's great to get praise, but I seldom get overly excited about it and jump up and down shouting enthusiastically.
A great upside of this mindset is that when you receive the opposite - negative criticism - you can often observe it calmly without too much wild, negative emotions blocking the way. And you can often appreciate that piece of criticism too (if there is something to learned from it).
If you care too much about what other people think then you easily become pretty needy and let others control how you feel. Both how good and bad you feel.
So you move from depending on external validation to depending more on internal validation. You validate yourself more and more and then you need less of outside validation. Don't take this too far though. Don't become that arrogant jerk who never listens to criticism no matter how valid it is.
Listen to the criticism and get the details.
Instead of attacking the other person(s) for their words and building a hostile atmosphere try to calm it down. Try to remain level-headed, open and figure out how this can help you. Ask a few open-ended questions like:
- What is your logic?
- How can I improve it?
- How can we solve this?
If they can't answer your questions then they are probably just lashing out. But there is sometimes valuable information in negative criticism. Things no one else may tell you. Try to get practical and concrete details about what's wrong. Perhaps there is already a solution to the problem but you need more information to realise that. By improving the communication and making it more specific and detailed you can come closer to understanding each other and solving the problem.
Friends – believe me by doing above - you will easily turn a potential conflict into a valuable relationship.
